I’m gonna do it right

I’m just like everybody else. From day to day, my mind is preoccupied with itty-bitty problems that matter to me but that won’t do a thing to help conquer hunger or bring about world peace. I’ve got a problem like that on my mind right now.

What the hell am I supposed to do with my weekends?

This might not sound like it should be a problem but stop and think about it for a minute. For four years, weekends meant catching up on my reading assignments and writing papers. (Summers were different, of course. During the summers, on the weekends, I was working at Wally World … an episode I prefer to forget.) Before that, weekends were irrelevant because I was married and running my own business and weekend? what’s a weekend?

All of which reduces to the fact that I’m out of practice with this weekend thing.

At this point in my life, my weekends yawn before me like some vast emptiness of time. I don’t usually make plans because I am not quite finished being broke. There are a few people I could conceivably make plans with but they are few and far between. One of the things that happens when you go to school with a bunch of people who are younger than your children is that you don’t make very many friends.

Don’t get me wrong. You meet and get to know some really great people. But the fact that you are a contemporary of their parents tends to sort of constrain the relationship.

But I digress.

So as I was saying, I can count on one hand the people available to me to hang out with, even if I had any money, which I usually don’t. And, to tell you the truth, I am so far beyond “hanging out” at this point in my life that it’s absurd of me to even be considering it.

Well, in that case, you are probably thinking, why is she worrying about it?

An excellent question.

It comes from people in my office asking me as we part for the week what my plans are for the weekend. Without fail, I am then forced to admit that I don’t have plans for the weekend. If I’m honest, I’ll admit that I am putting pressure on myself for no very good reason. Yes, we are no longer living in the middle of nowhere and are now, in fact, happily residing in a lovely little city with a thriving arts community and a pretty highly educated adult population, thanks to the fact that this is totally a college town. Yes, I do have a bit more money to work with now that I did during the dark times. Yes, I am finished with homework and that leaves me with a lot of time on my hands.

Frankly, the main reason why I don’t have plans for the weekend is because I don’t want to make plans for the weekend.

I mean, we’re still unpacking and figuring out places for stuff and trying to figure out what we need to buy and what we need to buy first for the new household. And besides all that, I’m tired. I feel a need to rest. I am between major adventures right now and I need to gird my loins for what I hope to be doing three years from now.

On top of all of which, I am an introvert. Most of the time, I’d really rather just stay home.

So why in the world am I putting all this pressure on myself?

Because sometimes I’m just really silly.

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  1. Pingback: Give it the time to find its way to you | Beyond the Crucible

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