She walks along the edge of where the ocean meets the land

roundhere

Sometimes, when I listen to a song, I cry.

I don’t mean a stray tear when something touches me. I mean, I sob.

That just happened. Just now.

This time, it was Counting Crows Round Here.

The peculiar thing about it is that I often don’t exactly know why I’m crying. I mean, it a sad song and stuff and there’s a lot of suffering there. But there’s more to it than that.

Round here she’s slipping through my hands

I have four kids and I spend a lot of my time being a mom. Not all of my time, but a lot of it.

One of the things that happens when you have kids – or at least, this happened to me – is that you become acutely aware of the fact that tomorrow really isn’t promised to anyone. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and, unlike at least some of my children, I am not in denial about that.

And even if I am not staring doom in the face in the form of the Southside run, I still wonder and I still worry.

Are they going to be alright?

Bad things have happened to my kids, because that’s just life. But terrible things have happened to my daughters. I couldn’t protect them then. I can’t help them now. So, I worry.

Are they going to be alright?

Can’t you see my walls are crumbling?
Then she looks up at the building
and says she’s thinking of jumping
She says she’s tired of life.
She must be tired of something

I’m pretty sure they are. Even if I did meet that bus with my name on it, they still have each other. They have grown up to be pretty decent people. I like them anyway. And they don’t hate me, in spite of the fact that I’m their mom, so I must have done something right.

There is so much stuff that happens to our kids. So much we can’t prepare them for. So much we can’t protect them from. So many things that we can’t kiss and make go away. So many times we just can’t help them.

Our time with them is so very short.

And they are so very precious.

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