Many, many thanks to the lovely and talented Gina for turning me on to this vid. I needed to see this!

I’m currently doing some toe-tapping, waiting for the dibs to get into tune so that I can get the needed equipment to turn my quest for fitness from the occasional sweat fest to getting serious in my efforts to get badass.

It’s kind of funny. I don’t think of myself as an athlete. I tend to think of myself as a former dancer, though, and want to get back to that place where my body does what I tell it to do and I’m having fun bossing it around like that.

I’m not a team player or the type who feels comfy exercising in public or working out with a roomful of folks. Give me my aerobics vids in my living room over that stuff any day — although I do like lengthy walks over somewhat challenging terrain when the weather is inviting.

I said before that I don’t do the New Year’s Resolution thing, and I don’t. But I do have plans and, even better, I have goals. Watching this video every now and then will, I think, help me stay excited about them. Because, when you remember what your body looked like when you were a 20 year old dancer, it can be hard to even get started when you’re a mid-50s flabby hausfrau — or when you feel like one.

I’m not interested in glamor or in looking good for the guys. But I do want to feel good about me — emotionally and physically. It is even possible that a big piece of feeling better emotionally, of healing, will be getting back into my fitness. It has not escaped my notice that one of the symptoms of the self loathing that my marriage to That Man induced in me was that I started neglecting myself. I was old and ugly and undesirable and not worth the time, trouble or sweat.

But I also know that dancing around my living room is fun and it makes me feel good. And one of my more worthy goals is to locate and execute actions that make me feel good.

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Now and then I get insecure

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