Sometimes, things don’t go the way you want them to … and it really sucks. Things have not been going the way I wanted them to in my life pretty much all month.
Possibly you will remember all that stuff I was waiting for so impatiently last month? Well, a bunch of it came down the pike but things didn’t play out anything like the way I wanted them to and now I get to pick up the pieces.
My plans to move out of the state have been temporarily stymied. That is the biggest of the big deals.
For starters, I didn’t get into graduate school. I have been told that I had a very competitive application but, thanks to a combination of the (poor) luck of the draw and the sort of political bureaucratic waltzing that happens in academia, I got passed over. I have gotten some very good feedback from a couple of sources, which makes me feel a little better, and I am prepared to give this one more shot before I decide that my life dream is destined to be a dud.
I will admit that it’s hard not to get really down and depressed by this turn of events — which is the main reason why you haven’t heard from me for most of the month. In light of the kind of winter we’ve been having, I had been looking forward to moving south but that’s not going to happen either. And that has to do with the money.
You see, a bunch of the money I was planning on setting aside to move with got eaten by my car instead. I discovered why the previous owner sold this vehicle and I fixed it. There wasn’t that much to fix but what was there was expensive. It all started with a check engine light that came on about a month after I bought the vehicle and not enough time or money to take it back to the dealer I bought it from. The two main things that were wrong with it were the catalytic converter (again! what is it with me and catalytic converters?) and the main computer. There are a few other relatively minor things as well and the upshot is that I spent over $2,000 getting my car fixed.
The good news is that it’ll pass inspection in April and it’s running like a dream right now. The bad news is that was a large chunk of the money I was planning to set aside for my move below the Mason Dixon line.
So, I’m here for at least another year. I’m going to spend that time reworking the way I frame my dissertation research description in the hopes that I will be able to find more professors who are willing to work with me. I’m also going to spend the time working on my math skills so that, if I can’t get into an anthropology program because I can’t find somebody with similar research interests, I will be able to re-take the GRE and get into an economics graduate program, because economics graduate programs don’t refuse to let you in if you can’t find somebody who matches your research interests.
And, in the meantime, me and my smoothly running Nissan will remain where we are and I will seek satisfaction in crafting workforce development programs that will help people around here qualify for better jobs, which will lead to better lives for them. When I do leave here, I would like to leave something positive and lasting behind.
I might even finish the sequel to The Rise of The Phoenix.
I will do my best to avoid feeling sorry for myself. I will do my very best not to think of this in terms of being “stuck” here. Bad karma.
I will head back to the drawing board … and I will try not to give in to the frustration I’m feeling right now.