It has taken some time and circumstances for me to get to where I am.
I have spent the last 16 weeks reading about my favorite Modern Philosopher’s quest for fitness and smaller running togas. I have been impressed and as proud of him as it is possible to be of someone you are wholly unacquainted with. (In fact, watching him do this is making me wish I did know him, fellow writer and all that he is.) It’s been working for him, too, although he seems to have hit something of a plateau. I’ll be interested to see what he chooses to do to push himself a little harder and a little farther.
I, on the other hand, have occasionally written a post about my desire to get back into working out. And I gave what I thought was some really good advice to Gina here — such good advice that I should have taken it myself. Like Gina, I was having a terrible time getting myself past my depression to get into a regular workout routine. Like Gina, I needed to face up to the fact that I had been mildly but chronically depressed for about 10 years.
Then Gina found Planet Fitness and she learned of the beauty of machinery. With machinery, you can push yourself farther and harder than you would ever have thought you could go. When she got home from Mexico and discovered that the nearest Planet Fitness is about 70 miles away, she was distressed. But we found her a local gym. She was very happy. Even better, I started working out with her and I have let her drag me to the gym.
This is revolutionary.
I have always wanted to do my working out at home where nobody could see me. That’s because I have some serious body image issues and I am plagued with a deep, deep shame (it would be difficult for me to describe what goes on in my head around this or how much I really hate my physical appearance) about how I look right now. To the point that I avoid full length mirrors and I really hate getting my picture taken. So, I’m sure you can imagine how I used to feel about the concept of going to the gym.
I’m only a week into this and I am really enjoying this. I’m enjoying all of this. I like going to the gym with Gina. I like encouraging her by accompanying her. I like the way she encourages me by refusing to accept my excuses … to the point that I am less inclined to accept my excuses either. I like the ways she pushes me.
It’s early days yet, of course. I’m only one week in but it has been a whole week, instead of those false starts where I’d work out for two days in a row and then was unable to make myself do it anymore after that. Eventually, I know I will get to the point where I don’t need anybody to nag me or encourage me or push me or anything else, because I’ll be doing all that myself and loving every minute. Already, I’m getting kind of excited about this.
Until I get there, I’ve got Gina.
She took before pictures of me. I have not seen them and I don’t want to see them. Maybe I’ll consider making them public around 80 lbs from now. As much as I lack interest in the before pics, I kind of can’t wait to see the after ones.
I’ll keep you posted.